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Orc Attack: Flatulent Rebellion Review
The worst game to appear on Xbox Live Arcade since Zootfly's should-have-been-illegal Expendables 2: The Videogame, Orc Attack: Flatulent Rebellion is a 1/10 game all day, every day. Bereft of care, attention, imagination, skill, wit, perception or craft, to play it is akin to opening a Christmas present that turns out to be a flying heatbutt from a furious skinhead. It's a game that doesn't want to entertain but merely exist, in the mad hope that a small band of affluent schoolchildren will one day purchase it as a group, sight unseen.
Playing (and looking) like the tacked-on multiplayer component of a cancelled N64 game, it's an inconceivably monotonous brawler that can barely be bothered to utilise two attack buttons, and takes place in one of the most poorly designed videogame "worlds" in recent memory.
You walk; you button mash; you walk; you waggle a thumbstick so hard that it almost breaks; you walk; you re-do a level because an NPC you're protecting just drowned himself; you button mash; you execute a combat roll move that brings up an error message EVERY SINGLE TIME YOU PERFORM IT; you walk; you take a leap of faith because the camera inexplicably locks in a wonky position; you button mash; you walk.
The special attacks - burping and farting - work only sporadically and sometimes have a completely off-kilter attack radius. The frame-rate dips into single digits often. And on top of all of this you're forced to bear some of the most insulting loading screen "tips" in history. Are you finding this game difficult? Well, there aren't any difficulty settings… so why not convince your friends to pick it up so that you can all play on co-op together?
Even if you're looking for cheap laughs you won't find them: the funniest thing about the entire game is that one of the main characters is called Friar Crap. If you're simply looking for a bit of mindless co-op fun, you can't even check to see if the leader boards are active: you'll have to purchase the full version if you want do do that. And if you're daft enough buy the full game, any initial enthusiasm (brought on by the fact that there are more than six thousand scores on the leader board at present) will be decimated when you realise that almost 100% of those scores were set during the demo. Snide and devious leader boards? That's a new one.
In seriousness, Orc Attack: Flatulent Rebellion is one of the worst games to have ever appeared on the Xbox 360, and it's every bit as depressing and exhausting as that makes it sound. So which would you prefer? A copy of Orc Attack: Flatulent Rebellion or an actual flying headbutt from a furious skinhead? For me, there's no question.
Bring it on baldy.
1/10
Review By Chet Roivas
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